That's What Friends are For
by RedRose99
Summary: Ziva isn't as ok as she appears after returning from Somalia. Tiva- but not in a romantic way. Warning: will contain self- harm.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own NCIS or its characters. If I did Tony would have his shirt off way more often.

**Warning: **Will contain self- harm.

* * *

Ziva quickly downed the scalding hot liquid and tossed the empty cup into the trash bin beside her desk. She did not usually drink coffee but she had needed it after last night. Ziva shuddered as she remembered the vivid nightmare that had woken her and made going back to sleep impossible. So she had done the only thing she could think of.

Ziva glanced around the squadroom cautiously, but no one was there as it was still quite early. She rolled up her sleeve gingerly as the fresh cuts on her arm stung. She hadn't meant to do it, had promised herself the last time that it would not happen again. But she just hadn't been able to stop herself. She had needed the release, needed to feel the pain that she didn't know how to express any other way. She cursed herself for her weakness. It was four months since she had been rescued from Somalia, she should be getting over it by now.

The last few months had been some of the hardest of her life, not that she let anyone see that. Because if there was one thing Ziva David hated, it was being treated like a victim. Even though she knew they meant well, she just couldn't stand the concerned questions of her team or the way they looked at her with such worry as if they expected her to break down at any moment.

Suddenly, the elevator dinged, distracting her from any more dark thoughts. Ziva looked up to see Tony entering the squadroom holding McGee's cell phone above his head while the younger man tried desperately to get it back. Some things never change, she thought to herself.

"Hey, Zee- vah", Tony said, smiling. "Guess what? McGoo here actually had a date last night!" By now McGee had given up trying to retrieve his phone and was slumped in his chair, resigned to the fact that he would just have to endure whatever embarrassment Tony had in store for him today.

Tony flipped open the phone and read aloud, "Tim, had a great time last night, call me! Xx." He heaved a dramatic sigh. "Our little Timmy is finally growing up... " Ziva laughed, forgetting about last night. That was one of the things she loved about Tony. It was impossible to be unhappy in his presence.

"Come on Tony, you've had your fun now give it back", McGee said, irritated. But there was no stopping Tony when he was on a roll.

"Does she know that you spend all your spare time pretending to be a fairytale creature in an online game, Elf Lord?" Tony pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Though I suppose that's not as bad as practically living in your basement, drinking alone while building a boat using only hand tools." Ziva couldn't help but smile a little as Gibbs enters the squadroom behind Tony. Right on cue as always. How does he do that?

"Uh, not that there's anything wrong with that of course, boss, I mean-", Tony spluttered, tossing McGee his phone.

As usual, Gibbs ignored Tony's rambling. "Gear up we've got a dead petty officer." Tony is right behind Gibbs, eager to make up for his earlier disrespectful, if somewhat true, comment on Gibbs lifestyle. Ziva is close behind, leaving McGee to hurry to make it to the elevator before the doors closed. "Come on, Elf lord", Gibbs said. And for a second Ziva could have sworn she saw the corners of his mouth twitch like he wanted to smile, but decided it must be a hallucination from too much caffeine. It was Gibbs after all.

* * *

Staring down at the cold, lifeless body of the petty officer, Ziva couldn't believe that she had been joking with Tony about McGee's love life just moments before. The naked, bruised body reminded her all too much of last night's nightmare and what could have happened if her team hadn't found her in time. What should have happened. To make matters worse, the abandoned warehouse where the body had been found was almost an exact replica of where she had been held hostage in Somalia, and it took all of her considerable willpower to not make some excuse, any excuse, to leave. But she couldn't do that because that would be showing weakness, and showing weakness was something Ziva David did not do. She knew her team would understand, after all she had been held captive and tortured for months. But it had taken so long for them to stop walking on eggshells around her and she wasn't about to screw that up now.

She could feel Tony's eyes on her as she tried, rather unsuccessfully, to hold the camera steady. She knew that despite his immature antics he is a great investigator, so he had to have noticed her reaction.

Sure enough, as they're packing the gear back in the truck there is no one else around and she knows he will take this opportunity to ask- "Are you ok, Ziva?" After working with him for four years she can pretty much read his mind. Which is how she knows he's not going to believe her when she says –"I am fine", like always.

"No one would think any less of you if you weren't, you know," he says softly. "I said I am fine, Tony!" she snapped, as she closed the truck doors maybe a little more forcefully than necessary. She felt a pang of guilt as she walked away, she knew he only wanted to help, but she would make it up to him later. For now, all she could think about was the packet of shiny, new razorblades waiting for her in the back of her bathroom drawer.

I am doing fine, she thought to herself. Well, with a little assistance.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony raised his eyes from his computer and studied his partner. He had been keeping an extra close eye on Ziva since they had returned from the crime scene. That dusty warehouse where the body had been found reminded him painfully of his brief time in Somalia, so he could only imagine how Ziva must be feeling. He had tried to talk to her about it, but she had pushed him away like she always did. It hurt him to think that she didn't trust him.

There was just no way that even someone as strong and capable as he knew Ziva to be couldn't be affected by what had happened in Somalia. He also had a feeling that the report she had written was missing some very important details. After all, Ziva had been the only woman among countless, sick, twisted men. He didn't need Ziva to confirm his suspicions. She had tried to hide it, but he had seen the look on her face earlier that morning when Ducky informed them that the petty officer had been raped.

She did a pretty good job of pretending, and maybe someone who didn't really know her might actually believe that she is, indeed, fine. But Tony does know her, knows her better than he knows anyone else. Which is why he notices that while she still engages in their usual witty banter, her soul isn't in it. He also can't help but notice that she doesn't laugh as often and when she does it sounds almost forced and doesn't quite reach her eyes. The feisty ninja who could kill you eighteen different ways with just a paperclip is gone. She isn't his Ziva anymore.

The ringing of Gibbs's phone interrupted his thoughts and he watched as his boss answered with his usual barked "Gibbs", and listened intently for a few seconds before hanging up with a weary expression. _This can't be good._

"Grab your gear; we've got a second victim."

* * *

Tony saw the tears forming in Ziva's eyes as she gazed down at the body, and suddenly wished fervently that he had been the one to kill Saleem Ulman, the bastard that had dared to do this to his partner. But he had to put that anger aside for now if he wanted to get through to Ziva, plus he had a feeling Ziva had enough anger for both of them. She had a right to be angry, given what Saleem and his men put her through. And he didn't mind her directing the anger at him if it helps her to feel better. He wouldn't even mind if she hit him, would gladly suffer broken bones if it brought back the old Ziva.

He hadn't been able to save Kate, Paula or Jenny. But he could save Ziva. He had to, because he lost her once and there's just no way he's going to lose her again. She was just going to have to accept his help. But he would wait until they were alone. He didn't want to make the coming conversation any harder than it had to be, he would do anything to make it easier for her. He would have gladly put himself in her place for all those months. He had a feeling that enduring Saleem's torture would be easier than seeing that dead look in her eyes and knowing that he could not fix it.

So when they arrived back at NCIS and Ziva headed straight toward the bathrooms he decided to follow her. He opened the door and then was shocked still at the unmistakeable sound of throwing up that was coming from the only occupied stall. The sounds tore at his heart and he knew that this cannot go on; she had to let him help her. He leant against the wall and waited, thinking about what he's going to say. What he hasn't already said.

She unlocked the door and stepped out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Then she noticed him standing there and her eyes hardened angrily. He opened his mouth to speak, though he still didn't know quite what he was going to say. But he didn't get the chance.

"Is it too much to ask for you to just leave me alone? She asked fiercely.

"I'm just worried about you, Ziva. Please just let me help you", he said, stepping closer to her.

Ziva looked up into Tony's eyes, and saw only concern for her. She wanted nothing more than to finally give in to the tears she had held back for so long, was so tempted to tell him how she was afraid she'd never recover from what those men had done to her. But then he'd find out that she was cutting herself and he'd never think of her the same way again. He probably wouldn't want to help her anyway if he knew what she was doing to herself. He was getting too close and she couldn't let him find out her secret.

"Tony, just drop it. Please", she pleaded, before turning abruptly and walking away.

Tony stepped out of the bathroom, intending to follow Ziva, but she was already halfway across the bullpen. He saw the rest of the team watching Ziva stalk angrily away, and then their eyes turned to him, probably wondering what the hell he had done.

He internally debated about what to do. He knew she shouldn't be alone right now. He should just go after her whether she liked it or not. That's what friends do for each other. But, on the other hand that could just make things worse. And for some reason he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else, some other reason why she didn't want to talk to him.

Tony walked slowly to his desk, deep in thought. Sinking into his chair, he ran his hand through his hair and sighed with frustration. Looking up, he found his boss's eyes watching him with an unreadable expression. He waited for the terse "Get back to work, DiNozzo." But it never came. Instead, Gibbs said simply, -

"Go. She needs you."


End file.
